Helpful Communication stratagies

    I just read the blog assignment for this week and since I will not be returning to work until Monday, I will not be able to get any feedback from my collagues that will be helpful to this blog.  I do however have conflicts at work that I could use some of the information and strategies we learned about this week to help make them better.  We have a new flex staff member at work that has never worked with children as young as what we have at our center, so a teacher in my building was chosen to be her mentor and to help assist in becoming more comfortable in working with infants.  Since she is in classrooms in my building, I also have to work with her/help her learn the routines, rules and regulations our center follows.  This started last week and it has been a very interesting two weeks.  As the week went on, I felt like I was getting into slight arguments with this staff member every day and today was the worst one yet.   She is constantly stating how "stupid" our regulations are and is slighly disrespectful in my conversations with her. I also do not feel like she is the best person to be working with children this age and I wanted to observe her at some point this week or next to really get a feel for what she does in the classroom and if my feelings are valid or if I am just starting to not like her and in turn just don't want to see her work in my building.  This is a hard situation for me because there are very few people I can't work with or feel like I can get through to understand different things at work.
    In this situation, one of the strategies I would use is to observe without evaluating.  I feel like I have already judged her and may not give her a fair shake when it comes to the observation.  I need to just observe her open-mindedly and take in everything that happens as it is and not think about it or judge it too much.
     I think another good strategy to use would be one of the NVC concepts that says, "state what we want, not what we don't want" (The Center for Nonviolent Communication, n.d).  I've kind of molded this to my own situation and I know this particular staff member has a hard time with rules and understanding why they are important to follow.  I have been giving her a lot of "don't do this and don't do that" and maybe she needs to hear more about what we can and should do.  Maybe going on the more positive side of things would help her see why things are important and why we follow the regulations that we do.
    The last helpful strategy I thought of is to just go ahead and print out the article on the 3R's that I found and give it to her to read over.  It gives a great outline of what makes early childhood teachers great:  respect, responsiveness and relationships.  I think the article also has great guidelines to think about when a new teacher first starts because it gives them something to strive for when working with young children and their families.
    Hopefully through these three things, my interactions with this staff member will go more smoothly next week and I won't feel so frustrated and annoyed after I work with her.

References

The Center for Nonviolent Communication. (n.d.). NVC concepts. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org/

Cheshire, N.  (2007). The 3 R’s:  Gateway to infant and toddler learning. Dimensions of Early Childhood, 35(3), 36-38.

Who Am I as a Communicator?

    Well, unfortunately as I write this post, I am still searching for one more person to complete my communication tests for me.  My sister and her family were unable to come for Thanksgiving, like they had originally planned, which was unfortunate.  I missed seeing them for the holiday and she was also going to assist with my assignment, but I still have my boyfriend's input.  Maybe my mom will be able to complete the tests at some point this weekend.
       When I took the tests, I scored a 48 on the Communication Anxiety Inventory, a 68 on verbal agressiveness and I was in group 1 on the listening styles profile, which meant I am people-oriented.  None of this really surprised me because I know I do have anxiety when it comes to certain communication situations, especially public speaking, but luckily for my job I very rarely have to do this.  As I have grown more confident in my position at work, I have spoken out more in meetings and I think this will continue to get better as I work longer in my field. 
    My boyfriend scored me as a 57 on communication anxiety, a 63 on verbal agressiveness and in group 1 also for my listening style.  What I was surprised with was how different our communication anxiety scores were.  It still left me in the same category, but his score left me close to being high anxiety and I really don't know that I am.  I think he scored me this way because I always complain about speaking publicly and how bad I am at it, plus he has no idea if I participate in meetings at work because he isn't there.  But then I got to thinking, maybe that is how I communicate when I am with him or our friends, which is probably what he used for his decisions on the test, so maybe I need to work on my communication so I do not come across as having such high anxiety.  I would hate to preceive this to others.  I also read through the other types of listening style profiles and he definately does not fall into group 1 like I do, so maybe that is why we have trouble with our communications sometimes.  He likes facts, figures and to the point and he isn't afraid if others feelings get hurt.  I am not quite that way and I found the different profiles to be interesting.
    One of the things I learned this week that I am good at when it comes to communicating is my self-monitoring skills.  I find myself to be very observant and I like to just sit back and see how everything is going and what everyone is doing when I am new to a situation.  This lets me see how it is approriate to interact and communicate with others and it also gives me insight on what topics to discuss.  This helps me in both my personal and professional life because I am not a person that has the put-your-foot-in-mouth moments like I know others have.  I usually think things through before I say them and I think this shows respect and also some intelligence.
     The other thing I learned this week was about the interaction-appearance theory and how I really follow that in both my personal and professional life.  Like I discussed during our discussion this week on the picture and my initial reaction to it, I judge a lot about a person based on what they wear.  I don't think this is wrong because I am not a person that is unkind or unwilling to talk to people, I just have initial thoughts about a person based on their clothes.  I think this plays into the interaction-apperance theory because even though I may pre-judge people, the more I interact with them and find them to be pleasant, the more I want to continue hanging out with them or working with them, depending on the situation.  I may even find that I judged a person unfairly or differently than they are, so this is always interesting when that happens.
      I am continuing to learn a lot about my communication styles and also how I communicate based on others preceptions of me.  I hope we can continue to get feedback from others on how well we communicate because I think this is a great way to learn about yourself.

References

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2009). Real communication: An introduction.  (1st ed.).  New York: Bedford/St. Martin's

Strategies to become a better communicator

When I think about the way I communicate with people, I don't think I necessarily communicate in a different way, but I do share information more with some people than I do others. What I mean by this is that depending on who the audience is that I am talking with depends on how much information I share on different topics or about myself.  When I am with my family, my boyfriend or my close friends, I communicate more with them than I do with my colleagues or other friends who I do not know as well.  It is not that my communication is different or that I treat anyone differently, it is  like I am more myself and can speak more freely with those close to me, if that makes sense.  I share more details and experiences with those close to me than I do others because we know each other better and depending on what we are talking about, I know I can trust them with given information.
     The first strategy to use to be a more effective communicator is to become more culturally sensitive with different groups that I will be working and communicating with.  To me this means knowing enough about certain groups to not use streotypes or assuming they are a certain way based on the group they are a part of.  If I know about the group I am working with, I feel like I will be a better communicator because I won't use generalizations, but will instead get to know the person on an individual basis.
      The second way to be a better communicator is to withhold judgement about people I am working with.  I think this is especially true at work when dealing with parents that have different viewpoints than I do.  Until I have "walked in their shoes" I really can't understand what they are going through, so I should not judge them.  This can affect people's communication because if you are judging people, this is usually obvious in your body language and voice tone.  Having an open mind about a situtation or person will make you a less judgemental person and a better communicator.
     The last way to be a better communicator is through the saying "Knowledge is power".  It kind of goes back to my first strategy, but I think it goes even deeper than that too.  For example, if I am going on vacation to a country I am unfamiliar with, doing some research on their customs and knowing a few phrases in their language will get you a lot farther than going in knowing nothing.  It shows people you respect them enough to learn about their culture because you are being proactive in helping yourself be a better communicator.  If you have knowledge upfront, it makes communication a lot easier and helps alleviate any problems or potential for offending different individuals. 
     I really feel like there is so much more I need to learn to be a much better communicator, but I do feel like I am on the right track.

References

       Beebe, S.A, Beebe, S.J. & Redmond, M.V.  (2011).  Interpersonal communication and diversity:  Adapting to others. In Interpersonal communication:  Relating to others.  (pp.85-114).  Boston, MA:  Allyn & Bacon.

Gonzalez-Mena, J.  (2010).  Understanding and appreciating cultural differences.  In 50 strategies for communicating and working with diverse families. (pp. 36-38).  Upper Saddle River, NJ:  Pearson Education Inc.

The Mindy Project

  I have seen "The Mindy Project" advertised on tv frequently, but I really had no idea what it was about, so I chose to watch this for this assignment.  I watched the first 15 minutes with no sound and then switched the sound on.  What I was surprised at is how correct most of my assumptions were based on what I thought I saw through non-verbal communications.
     In the beginning of the show, Mindy and a guy are in a coffee shop and they just appear to be talking in a friendly manner, not as if they were dating.  It looks as though she is trying to get his opinion on something and he is giving advice because she keeps having these very puzzled looks on her face.
   Mindy then goes to work and at first it looks like a very serious work environment.  People are working at desks and Mindy is helping a collegue look up something on the computer.  A male collegue comes over to talk to them and they both appear annoyed based on the large hand gestures that I am seeing.  I noticed the two women are looking at someone's facebook page though on the computer, so then I am confused about the scene because it really does not appear as serious.
     The next scene shows Mindy walking in a hospital and I'm pretty sure she sees the guy she likes (maybe it was his facebook page?) because she does this hesistation in her step and also puts her head down shyly so he won't see her.  She ended up knocking him down and he needs stitches based on the cut on his head.  I guess Mindy is a Dr. (I must have missed this somewhere, but I never saw her in scrubs so that is why I assumed that) because she stiches the guy up.  She is talking a lot during the stitching and I can tell the guy is not interested in her because he just stares at her with this blank and annoyed look and gets out his cell phone while she is speaking.  At one point he even covers his eyes and ears so he won't have to see or hear anymore.  Not knowing their relationship, it is hard to understand how rude this is.  If it is someone she knows, then maybe he is just joking with her and I can't tell because I can't hear what is going on.  If he doesn't know her at all, this is extremely rude and very immature for a grown man to be doing.
    The show goes back to the office where Mindy works and it has become a very casual almost non-worklike environment.  Three of her co-workers are pulling out different kinds of costumes she can wear and she is not looking happy because she is putting her heads in her hands in disgust.  She ends up calling the guy from the coffee shop for advice and also sends him pictures of different costumes she can wear.  At this point, I'm still thinking their relationship is just friends.
   After this scene, I turn the sound on and it really makes everything so much easier.  With the sound off, I found myself drawing cues about what was going on from things around the characters.  I paid more attention to details in their clothes, the pictures on the wall and their hand gestures.
  Not as much action seems to occur in the last 15 minutes as it did in the first.  Maybe this is because I can hear what is going on and I can decide if it is important, where with the sound off, everything is important to figure out what is going on.  The main thing that happens is Mindy decides she is not going to the costume party and calls up her friend, that has a little girl.  The little girl gives her advice and then Mindy decides to dress up and heads to the guys house she is shown with at the beginning of the show in the coffee shop.  It is interesting to listen to their exchange because he tells her the reason he chose his costume is because it was based on her favorite movie.  It makes me think maybe there is something more going on between them, but I think I would need more background info. to understand.
   This was an interesting assignment because with the sound off, a person can make a lot of assumptions about what is going on, but may not be correct.  Most times people's gestures match up with their meanings, but that is not always the case.  Had I been watching, Parenthood, a show I love and watch on a regular basis, with no sound, I could have easily figured out what was going on because I have a lot of background information on the characters.  Maybe in order to be a good communicator it is best to have an understanding of the background of the people you will be talking to and interacting with.